A Clean Slate

The other day, I was flipping the pages of my Army Wife Handbook, and came across the following entry:


“I went to a company coffee last night. There was the usual griping about the Army, griping about the weather, and some not so usual attacks on the commanding officer’s wife because she couldn’t attend. Under the sniping was the attitude that nobody cares.

Well, ladies, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the commander’s wife, the sergeant major’s wife, the first sergeant’s wife, and others have houses to keep clean, jobs, volunteer work, children to tend to, husbands to baby, college to attend, bills to pay, and their share of homesickness, boredom and despair over living overseas. We don’t have time to coddle you about your boredom, loneliness or non-existent social life.

The good news is, we do care. Call the same commander’s wife, too busy to make it to a coffee, and tell her your car broke down and you need to get the baby to the doctor, and she’ll be there to give you a ride. If your husband is in the field and the kids are making you crazy, call the first sergeant’s wife, and she’ll be more than willing to listen, maybe even baby-sit so you can get away for awhile. Need a job? Call the platoon sergeant’s wife who works at CPO and find out how willing she is to show you how to fill out the maze of paperwork.

We care because we’re all in this together. But you’re grown women, and your first responsibility is to care about yourselves. You have to reach out, and let people know you have problems. You have to take the steps to ensure your happiness.

Homesick, but can’t afford to call Mom? Write letters, or send cassette tapes and post cards. Can’t afford to travel? Travel through the post library, or discover the city or village where you live by foot or bus.

Don’t know anybody and you’re lonely? Reach out. Invite possible friends for coffee. Encourage your husband to bring single soldiers home for dinner; macaroni and cheese in a homey atmosphere beats a steak in the mess hall any day. Be the nice lady who bakes a birthday cake for the single men, or sews stripes on their uniforms.

Bored and can’t find a job? Volunteer. Being needed a few hours a day is a terrific remedy for a sagging self-esteem. Are your kids making you crazy, but you can’t afford a baby sitter? Find someone else in the same situation and time-share the child care. No night life where you are stationed? A bottle of wine, a deck of cards, and a few friends can be a lot of fun on a Saturday night. Husband in the field? Have a slumber party or a potluck dinner.

Make yourself useful, do favors for people, develop your skills and talents. Start caring about yourself and you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out how many people out there care about you.”

The Stars and Stripes, May 8, 1988

Even though this entry was first published over 20 years ago, it still encouraged me to GO OUT and make something of myself in spite of my current circumstances. So often, spouses of soldiers in the military become stagnant and allow their soldier’s career path to absolutely consume their lives (understandably so!) I started to feel as if I was starting to journey down that road…and then I realized that it does NOT mean we cannot have a GREAT job, not just another job…or make an impact on others that are around us. It has been difficult to go out and find new friends, it has been difficult going from TWO nice paychecks to ONE so-so paycheck, and it has also been difficult finding another church to call “home”. But, we are making it…we know that we are right where God wants us to be in this moment, and in knowing that, we find comfort.

Until next time, stay encouraged <3